Jeff Foxworthy on "Living in WA"

This one is making its way around the parish via e-mail. (It will miss the one of us who has neither e-mail nor computer.) It's all familiar except #7 -- that has to be about Eastern Washington.

1. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Washington.
2. If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Washington.
3. If you've had a lengthy conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
4. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
5. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
6. If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Washington.
7. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Washington.
8. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over 2 layers of clothing or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
9. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Washington.
10. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
11. If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
12. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
13. If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Washington.
14. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
15. If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Washington.
16. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros., you live in Washington.
17. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
18. If you can pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Abiqua, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
19. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
20. If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Washington.
21. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
22. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Washington.
23. If you buy new sunglasses every year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Washington.
24. If you can actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington.

Okay. I fail a number of these. 2, 3 (close), 7, 8, 12 (I don't often drink coffee and even more rarely buy it), 16, 20 (who needs a poncho?), 23 (I have so many pair of sunglasses I am never without).

But... #4 (hit a deer): one co-worker is hospitalized for slamming into a deer at 40 MPH -- on his mountain bike! Broken ribs, punctured lung, but in good spirits as indicated by the "Oh deer!" e-mails.

13,18 and 22 are definitive, but Jeff Fozworthy missed one: You know at least 20 different terms for precipitation. From "light mist" and "drip" to "heavy downpour", I've never collected them all in one place, but there are a lot.

So to Fr. Davis and family: here you are, you are fairly warned about life in the great Pacific Northwet! Enjoy -- and oh, you'll be tested on #18 shortly.